Unlocking Confidence: Conquering Imposter Syndrome and Empowering Your Voice with Lisa Wentz

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.010 --> 00:00:01.399
Mindset is huge.

00:00:01.820 --> 00:00:13.089
Our relationship to ourselves, our relationship to our content, our relationship to our audiences are all a huge part of what makes somebody a good communicator or a great communicator.

00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:17.410
What makes you feel really good about what you're doing on a professional level.

00:00:19.019 --> 00:00:36.460
What I'm finding 15 years or so is that many of the people who come to see me, not all, but many of the people who come to see me are grappling with something from their past or even something from their present, but typically past that influences those things I was just talking about today.

00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:41.340
So, in other words, it influences how they see themselves in their work environments.

00:00:41.804 --> 00:00:51.685
A very common phrases imposter syndrome is more people than I would have ever imagined have imposter syndrome and I've come to see this because they bring it into my office.

00:00:52.575 --> 00:00:59.395
This is Flavors of Emotions, expanding your emotional palate for a tastier life.

00:00:59.935 --> 00:01:01.365
My name is Kim Korte.

00:01:02.054 --> 00:01:09.784
Together, we explore how to make sense of our feelings through the lens of a chef, understanding flavors in a recipe.

00:01:10.415 --> 00:01:18.155
I am here to help you refine your emotional palate to differentiate the emotions that shape your world.

00:01:19.590 --> 00:01:24.840
I am super happy to welcome Lisa Wentz as my guest today.

00:01:25.271 --> 00:01:38.271
I could talk on and on about Lisa, but instead I'm just going to let her explain who she is and what she does in the world of coaching around communication and public speaking.

00:01:39.391 --> 00:01:40.031
Thank you.

00:01:40.141 --> 00:01:40.811
It's good to be here.

00:01:41.070 --> 00:01:41.671
Thank you, Kim.

00:01:42.251 --> 00:01:45.710
So my background and what I do, is kind of vast.

00:01:45.710 --> 00:01:50.730
I have an undergraduate degree in psychology, probably informs my coaching a little bit,.

00:01:51.230 --> 00:02:02.090
but from there I was a stage actress, a very well trained stage actress for about 10 years, and then got my first pedagogical degree in Alexander technique training and started teaching in drama conservatory.

00:02:02.120 --> 00:02:09.550
So I was working with actors and teaching them voice and speech skills, acting and Alexander Technique.

00:02:09.961 --> 00:02:34.306
My master's degree comes from the central school of speech and drama university of London, which is the epicenter for voice and speech work, let's say in the Western world, and from there, while I was in graduate school, I decided to switch my focus from training actors and traditional performers, as we think of them to working with people in different industries, business professionals medical finance, whatever, across different, different industries.

00:02:34.675 --> 00:02:43.366
And so in any case, I opened up the San Francisco voice center in 2009, which eventually became my private practice, which you can find me LisaWentz.com.

00:02:43.366 --> 00:02:44.635
That's my private practice.

00:02:44.955 --> 00:02:52.675
And in terms of what I do, I mostly see private clients and I usually do short, dense programs with them.

00:02:52.716 --> 00:03:01.675
And they could be anywhere from just starting in the professional world and really needing to get their communication skills polished and ready.

00:03:02.455 --> 00:03:06.675
Upwards of people who have been considered great communicators for dozens of years.

00:03:07.175 --> 00:03:10.686
There's definitely a technical aspect to this, right?

00:03:10.705 --> 00:03:19.445
Like the preparation, the appearance, but there has to be a side to this that's emotion based because emotions play into everything.

00:03:19.846 --> 00:03:26.575
How does, or how do, emotions play into the work that you do?

00:03:27.776 --> 00:03:28.665
Thanks for asking.

00:03:29.695 --> 00:03:30.795
So, yes, I agree.

00:03:30.855 --> 00:03:32.246
Mindset is huge.

00:03:32.665 --> 00:03:43.936
Our relationship to ourselves, our relationship to our content, our relationship to our audiences are all a huge part of what makes somebody a good communicator or a great communicator.

00:03:44.325 --> 00:03:48.256
What makes you feel really good about what you're doing on a professional level.

00:03:49.866 --> 00:04:09.695
In terms of specifics and the way I work, what I'm finding 15 years or so is that many of the people who come to see me, not all, but many of the people who come to see me are grappling with something from their past or even something from their present, but typically past that influences those things I was just talking about today.

00:04:10.156 --> 00:04:14.575
So, in other words, it influences how they see themselves in their work environments.

00:04:15.040 --> 00:04:24.920
A very common phrases imposter syndrome is more people than I would have ever imagined have imposter syndrome and I've come to see this because they bring it into my office.

00:04:25.411 --> 00:04:36.300
Or they have an inner critic and sometimes that inner critic shows up because they're in a vulnerable position suddenly being in front of the cameras or in front of large audiences.

00:04:36.641 --> 00:04:43.480
It surfaces, whereas they were able to compartmentalize it before they got to a certain point in their career.

00:04:44.180 --> 00:05:00.956
So when we have the thoughts, as we all know, thoughts, trigger our emotions that trigger our physiological responses to the whole package and all these things work in tandem and they can work in tandem for us in great, healthy ways that make us feel great and wonderful, and they can work against us a bit.

00:05:01.576 --> 00:05:04.565
So how does emotion play a part in the negative sense?

00:05:04.745 --> 00:05:18.516
It plays a part that way, that no matter what it is that you're going through, in these moments where you're not feeling as secure, you're not feeling as confident as you would like to be feeling some inner critic or imposter syndrome is nagging at you.

00:05:18.886 --> 00:05:19.706
It shows up.

00:05:19.735 --> 00:05:27.016
And even for speakers who are, let's say, as I said, a minute ago, have been doing it for dozens of years.

00:05:27.196 --> 00:05:31.016
They've learned to compartmentalize things, but it's not a good experience for them.

00:05:31.355 --> 00:05:33.076
So an audience may not notice it.

00:05:33.305 --> 00:05:39.875
An audience may not notice that they're not feeling great that particular day or in this particular moment in time, but they feel it..

00:05:40.216 --> 00:05:49.946
So their experience going up to the podium or in front of the hands on meetings or in front of investors or wherever they are, conference circuit is a negative experience.

00:05:50.516 --> 00:05:54.125
Even when they're getting positive feedback back to themselves.

00:05:54.596 --> 00:05:55.786
Does that make sense, Kim?

00:05:55.815 --> 00:05:57.505
Yeah, yeah, it, it totally makes sense.

00:05:57.865 --> 00:05:59.771
I always say that it's, it's an art form.

00:06:00.180 --> 00:06:19.091
It's an emotion that we have inside of us that triggers the thoughts that are, associated to that emotion that we experienced that then triggers and reinforces that emotion as those thoughts keep coming, on and on and we feed that thought instead of rather overcoming it.

00:06:19.550 --> 00:06:24.680
If we have imposter syndrome, it's usually underlying like some insecurities.

00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:27.641
And you said, what was the other phrase that you used?

00:06:27.670 --> 00:06:28.370
You're a critic.

00:06:28.730 --> 00:06:34.721
So it's kind of your job to give them a sense of confidence, would you say?

00:06:34.721 --> 00:06:43.040
What emotion are you trying to help them develop so that they be, a better speaker because I'll be honest.

00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:50.321
I mean, there Are times when, yeah, you don't notice that the speakers having confidence issues or, other types of issues.

00:06:50.321 --> 00:06:51.821
And then there's times that you do.

00:06:52.221 --> 00:07:02.591
And so being a confident speaker or whatever emotion you deem to work on is, I believe, important for many reasons.

00:07:02.891 --> 00:07:03.290
Yeah.

00:07:03.581 --> 00:07:04.341
are your thoughts?

00:07:04.690 --> 00:07:05.800
Yeah, sure.

00:07:05.850 --> 00:07:08.341
So let's take the two apart.

00:07:08.360 --> 00:07:13.100
So one is when it is noticeable by our audiences and when it's not.

00:07:14.100 --> 00:07:15.930
So I want to address those separately.

00:07:16.810 --> 00:07:20.250
But before I do, I also want to address the way that you phrased it.

00:07:20.261 --> 00:07:22.781
What emotion or am I helping them with?

00:07:22.781 --> 00:07:23.100
Right?

00:07:23.690 --> 00:07:29.670
I feel like, and maybe this is because I sometimes work in a very direct way and sometimes I work in a nonlinear way.

00:07:30.091 --> 00:07:32.540
I think I'm a more nonlinear person, frankly.

00:07:33.011 --> 00:07:36.391
So I may be going at things sideways and backwards for people.

00:07:36.721 --> 00:07:38.521
Even when I'm asking a direct question.

00:07:38.951 --> 00:07:48.560
So I see it as I'm helping them connect the dots from what they have compartmentalized or put away That they, that they don't want to deal with.

00:07:49.211 --> 00:07:55.550
So in some ways I feel like it's more logic driven or intellectually driven than it is emotionally driven.

00:07:55.860 --> 00:08:01.670
The, the emotions that come to surface are a benefit and a payoff from investigating.

00:08:01.721 --> 00:08:10.850
The way I see my job is to help them identify the problem in the first place sometimes because I've worked with many different people.

00:08:10.850 --> 00:08:11.500
We all have, right?

00:08:12.420 --> 00:08:14.170
Sometimes people will walk into my office.

00:08:14.170 --> 00:08:16.250
They know exactly what the problem is, and sometimes they won't.

00:08:17.011 --> 00:08:23.641
And so if they know exactly what the problem is, then it's my job to empower them to confront it.

00:08:24.180 --> 00:08:31.310
And to get it out of the way so that they can be a more empowered speaker communicator and live a more empowered life.

00:08:31.310 --> 00:08:34.650
That sounds kind of hokey as I'm saying it, but that is the result of the work.

00:08:34.650 --> 00:08:47.831
The people that I feel that I'm helping the most in this category are the people who haven't even connected to the dots yet that have a trauma in their past that's still affecting them today that they don't even look at because that's kind of what trauma is, right?

00:08:47.880 --> 00:08:51.890
Or at least the effect of trauma feels like it's something bigger than we can hold or deal with.

00:08:52.541 --> 00:08:56.270
And so to survive in life, we put it to the side, we compartmentalize it.

00:08:56.270 --> 00:08:57.980
A part of our personality will take it.

00:08:58.671 --> 00:09:03.561
So our main personality that has to function in the world doesn't have to deal with it, we think.

00:09:04.020 --> 00:09:06.370
But of course, in the subconscious, we're dealing with it.

00:09:06.760 --> 00:09:16.850
Whether it's anxiety before we have to speak, meaning several days before a conference, somebody may be panicking for up to seven, eight days sometimes.

00:09:17.456 --> 00:09:26.796
Sometimes it's the night before, or they notice that they do self sabotaging behaviors, like avoid The prep it all until the last minute because they're so used to compartmentalizing.

00:09:26.806 --> 00:09:28.975
They just want to be put on the spot or something like this.

00:09:29.316 --> 00:09:46.485
I'm not sure if I'm asking you're answering your question in terms of what my job is, but I think the first step is identifying what it is that's holding them back or getting in the way of them feeling fully present and feeling that they're communicating how they want to, when they want to, and feeling good about it.

00:09:46.515 --> 00:09:52.285
If there's something in the way we have to look at it, acknowledge it, and then move it, move it out.

00:09:52.905 --> 00:10:00.725
So if somebody is listening to this right now and they're thinking,"Well, I've always had an inner critic, I'll always have it." No, you were not born with an inner critic.

00:10:00.725 --> 00:10:02.355
You were not born with imposter syndrome.

00:10:02.355 --> 00:10:04.515
Just like you were saying, Kim, no one is born with this.

00:10:04.515 --> 00:10:06.145
No babies have imposter syndrome.

00:10:06.145 --> 00:10:12.556
This is, this is what comes out of living in this world of sometimes we have negative influences and so on.

00:10:13.076 --> 00:10:16.596
So in terms of my job, that's what I do.

00:10:16.615 --> 00:10:21.605
And then from there we do All the other creative work.

00:10:22.666 --> 00:10:25.155
Sometimes I rewrite people's talks for them or their speeches.

00:10:25.166 --> 00:10:27.806
Sometimes I don't need to, or we might do it together.

00:10:28.466 --> 00:10:35.676
I work on the creative side, which is sort of directorial side of public speaking or communication.

00:10:35.985 --> 00:10:43.596
I get to tell them where I think they should move, where I think they should look, which, which words they need the audience to hear and how to emphasize them.

00:10:43.936 --> 00:10:47.745
So we get to craft the delivery, during the process.

00:10:48.225 --> 00:10:52.711
of working together as well as the intellectual emotional side,

00:10:52.760 --> 00:10:55.855
So emotions are, intertwined in this.

00:10:55.855 --> 00:11:07.655
I, I know people like to say, Oh, there's emotion and there's logic, but actually there's a lot of logic in emotion when you, when you look at it for what it is, and that is communication.

00:11:07.956 --> 00:11:20.145
And the one thing that I've always said is that feelings aren't facts and that there can be a miscommunication and in our ability to be effective communicators.

00:11:20.336 --> 00:11:25.135
It helps when we are more connected to that inner communication with us.

00:11:25.666 --> 00:11:29.716
And so it sounds to me like what you're doing is helping them with.

00:11:30.176 --> 00:11:31.176
their anxiety.

00:11:31.216 --> 00:11:32.275
You brought up that word.

00:11:32.755 --> 00:11:39.785
And then you also are probably giving them a lot more confidence, which underlying that is trust.

00:11:40.186 --> 00:11:59.691
You would be doing that with multiple things, with the things that you just mentioned, how they move on the stage, the words that they use, how they craft their speech, but also by getting rid of, or at least quelching that inner critic, because it's, it's usually if it's been around for a long time is pretty strong.

00:12:00.150 --> 00:12:11.321
And so I would think that that is what really helps to make that speaker great or get greater at, at what they're doing, is that a fair statement?

00:12:11.785 --> 00:12:12.836
Yeah, I think so.

00:12:12.865 --> 00:12:13.645
I think so.

00:12:13.645 --> 00:12:27.091
And I think it's good to remember, you know, the, the process of the intellectual, the emotional, the physical, all being interconnected, whether it's, you know, I mean, it kind of doesn't matter how we get in.

00:12:27.100 --> 00:12:33.541
This is reminding me of a client story I want to share because I think it's helpful for people.

00:12:33.870 --> 00:12:45.910
So when my training is an Alexander Technique teacher tells me that the thought stimulates an automatic physiological response and or an automatic emotion.

00:12:46.160 --> 00:12:56.296
So the thought, as soon as I get the call, not me personally, but let's say a speaker gets the call, uh, from their boss saying, Hey, listen, I want you to present such and such tomorrow.

00:12:56.495 --> 00:12:56.725
Okay.

00:12:56.916 --> 00:13:00.625
The thought of that is what triggers the emotional response of panic.

00:13:01.405 --> 00:13:03.436
If they have panic, right?

00:13:03.666 --> 00:13:06.086
And then they notice it showing up in their body.

00:13:06.905 --> 00:13:08.895
Usually they notice it showing up in their body.

00:13:09.056 --> 00:13:11.416
Sometimes my job is also to help them notice.

00:13:11.890 --> 00:13:15.211
How responding on a physical level, right?

00:13:15.791 --> 00:13:17.880
But in any case, there's other times.

00:13:17.880 --> 00:13:18.691
This is the client story.

00:13:18.691 --> 00:13:21.530
I have, there's other times where the information comes in in a different way.

00:13:22.350 --> 00:13:32.841
So I had this one speaker who had trouble with larger stage environments or larger audience environments, specifically if her CEO was there.

00:13:33.625 --> 00:13:37.946
And there wasn't anything noticeably off about her CEO.

00:13:37.946 --> 00:13:39.826
She, he seemed very supportive.

00:13:40.145 --> 00:13:45.365
He was a great speaker, but there was something about him that was triggering her.

00:13:45.826 --> 00:13:46.905
Later he was fired.

00:13:47.535 --> 00:13:49.056
It turned out he was a sexual predator.

00:13:49.755 --> 00:13:54.735
And so what's interesting about this is that she didn't know that she didn't have that information on an intellectual level.

00:13:55.316 --> 00:13:58.245
She was picking up on it in almost psychic way.

00:13:58.760 --> 00:14:02.620
At an energy level, he was triggering her and she was shutting down.

00:14:02.880 --> 00:14:07.010
But because there was no proof of why that should be happening, she ended up blaming herself.

00:14:07.551 --> 00:14:09.041
And thinking, well, I'm just neurotic.

00:14:09.041 --> 00:14:10.260
I guess I'm just a bad speaker.

00:14:10.260 --> 00:14:15.270
I guess this, I guess that the reality is that she didn't feel safe near him because he wasn't really a safe person.

00:14:15.941 --> 00:14:16.630
You know what I mean?

00:14:16.980 --> 00:14:22.971
So it's good to remember that in the end of the day, which part of this puzzle comes first?

00:14:22.971 --> 00:14:26.821
Is it the instinctual information that's coming in by instinct?

00:14:26.821 --> 00:14:28.201
Is it emotional?

00:14:28.201 --> 00:14:29.160
Is it intellectual?

00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:52.551
However, it comes in, whatever's happening, we have to be able to say, Maybe it's happening for a reason a good reason we're being told something by our subconscious mind or by actual literal direct information or indirect instinctual information and that information needs to just be.

00:14:53.066 --> 00:14:57.155
Looked at and maybe not necessarily dealt with right away.

00:14:57.176 --> 00:15:01.426
If you don't know what it is, that's bothering you, you know, because I wouldn't have done that either.

00:15:01.426 --> 00:15:10.196
I didn't, uh, why, how would I have known it as her coach, you know, but regardless, um, I'm not sure if that was an interesting story for you or not, but it's good for the listeners.

00:15:10.196 --> 00:15:13.586
I think to remember if something is off, it's off.

00:15:14.375 --> 00:15:21.696
And it may be because of your own inner workings and you may be triggered because you are feeling vulnerable and vulnerability in the past hasn't been safe for you.

00:15:22.436 --> 00:15:23.655
But either way.

00:15:24.255 --> 00:15:25.155
It's okay.

00:15:25.605 --> 00:15:27.346
You are going to be able to handle it.

00:15:27.666 --> 00:15:29.836
And it is something you can move through very quickly.

00:15:30.385 --> 00:15:32.475
At least that's my experience as a coach,

00:15:33.255 --> 00:15:34.135
No, I agree.

00:15:34.135 --> 00:15:42.076
And, and, um, there's an interesting work by, this one neuroscientist where he, he talks about the mind.

00:15:42.416 --> 00:15:45.115
The brain gets, what is it?

00:15:45.155 --> 00:15:54.105
11 million bits of information every second, and we can actually handle consciously about 64.

00:15:54.515 --> 00:16:09.775
I don't even know if it's 64 bits of information and how it can be getting this information that she's getting from her experience with him, but that she's not able to pick up, but her body can, her brain is doing that.

00:16:10.135 --> 00:16:13.735
And because her brain can do that, it's sending those signals.

00:16:14.405 --> 00:16:24.995
I always thought that was a very interesting, understanding of why sometimes we get these feelings and we don't understand what's going on and why we should trust it.

00:16:24.995 --> 00:16:37.296
Because our brain, yes, we, we might be throwing our history into why that is going on, but also there's some things that you're picking up that you might not be consciously aware of.

00:16:37.306 --> 00:16:43.086
So investigating those feelings and trusting them a little bit more is really important.

00:16:43.655 --> 00:16:44.115
right?

00:16:44.135 --> 00:16:45.535
I think it's a great story.

00:16:46.005 --> 00:16:46.475
Yeah.

00:16:46.475 --> 00:16:56.975
And I think it's, I think it boils down to yes, trust and everything you just said, but also instilling a sense of control, remembering that you have control because a lot of times when we have anxiety.

00:16:57.375 --> 00:17:03.905
When it comes to public speaking, or we have anxiety when it when I say public speaking, I don't necessarily mean just on main stage environments, right?

00:17:03.905 --> 00:17:14.665
It could just be a meeting for that matter that you've got to do a presentation on or a pitch or an update, but that feeling of lack of control is only going to make those feelings worse.

00:17:15.066 --> 00:17:22.195
So decide that you're going to assert some control over the situation, even if the assertion is okay.

00:17:22.195 --> 00:17:23.695
I'm feeling triggered right now.

00:17:23.935 --> 00:17:28.945
I'm not 100 percent sure why I'm going to take a step back and I'm going to breathe a little deeper.

00:17:29.385 --> 00:17:31.425
I'm going to make sure I don't go into my head.

00:17:31.836 --> 00:17:34.365
And into an internal space where I'm going to spin about it.

00:17:34.506 --> 00:17:47.296
I'm going to stay present with everybody in the room and I'm going to take an information with my eyes and I'm going to choose that I do have control over my physiological responses right now and I am in a safe place instead of feeling trapped.

00:17:48.010 --> 00:17:51.010
Unsafe and allowing anxiety to take over.

00:17:52.806 --> 00:17:58.996
Breathing has an automatic, calming effect because it slows the heart rate down.

00:17:59.036 --> 00:18:07.836
Our respiratory system actually can control our heart rate and bring it, it down and calm our whole body just with breath.

00:18:07.986 --> 00:18:10.316
And it only takes a few, right?

00:18:11.010 --> 00:18:11.800
Yeah, I know.

00:18:12.161 --> 00:18:16.500
The funny thing is, is that most of my, most of my breath training is, Shakespeare related.

00:18:16.830 --> 00:18:19.851
Because as an actor, it's all voice and speech for stage related.

00:18:19.861 --> 00:18:47.590
Which of course then translates into voice use and speech for, speaking, obviously, because that's what it is, but it's funny how I don't actually have a lot of information and or experience of breath work because for me, it's mostly about just making sure, as you were saying that you combat the adrenaline rush by getting more oxygen into the brain, into the body and that you're slowing down your tempo rhythm and creating pauses and that's what the kind of work on breath.

00:18:47.590 --> 00:18:48.141
I do.

00:18:48.601 --> 00:18:50.310
But one of these days it's on the list.

00:18:50.310 --> 00:18:50.971
One of these days.

00:18:50.971 --> 00:18:54.931
I'm going to go and do some fancy breath work that that other people teach.

00:18:55.530 --> 00:18:58.101
Well, who knew that there was Shakespeare breathing?

00:18:58.250 --> 00:19:00.701
I like to go back to a point you were talking about.

00:19:00.701 --> 00:19:06.971
It's not really just people who are looking to be on stage and speaking to large crowds.

00:19:07.260 --> 00:19:24.955
It's the smaller presentations that you have to do at an organization or just to a team and it can be entirely nerve wracking for people and not everybody will get the great opportunity to work with you..

00:19:25.236 --> 00:19:28.665
Can you talk a little bit about your book, the title and, how it was designed?

00:19:28.665 --> 00:19:36.826
Because I know you were trying to fill a certain place in the book marketplace on speaking that you felt was missing.

00:19:37.355 --> 00:19:37.816
Right.

00:19:37.915 --> 00:19:38.385
Thank you.

00:19:38.796 --> 00:19:39.175
Yes.

00:19:39.205 --> 00:19:43.256
I wrote a book called Grace Under Pressure: A Masterclass in Public Speaking.

00:19:44.036 --> 00:19:54.056
And yes, I was trying to fill a certain need and contribute in a way that I hadn't seen any other books really contribute to the work.

00:19:54.465 --> 00:19:55.496
How it's different.

00:19:55.506 --> 00:19:59.465
Most public speaking books like talk like Ted and a few others out there.

00:19:59.865 --> 00:20:01.286
Um, I'm not saying they're not good.

00:20:01.286 --> 00:20:04.016
They are good, but mine works more like a handbook.

00:20:04.026 --> 00:20:06.736
It's sectioned into three sections.

00:20:06.746 --> 00:20:09.635
The first section is what we were talking about a little bit earlier.

00:20:09.965 --> 00:20:16.641
The areas where we might feel held back by different parts of our lives, training, Whatever it might be.

00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:19.901
And so those are real client stories of mine.

00:20:19.901 --> 00:20:21.451
I've changed their identities.

00:20:21.490 --> 00:20:28.510
People will not be recognized in any way, but each one speaks to a different issue that I seem to come across a lot.

00:20:28.570 --> 00:20:40.415
So whether it's false beliefs, imposter syndrome, inner critic, whatever it is, it's in there in the first one in the first section of the book and has some exercises for each thing of what I did with my clients and what I suggest people can do.

00:20:40.976 --> 00:20:44.105
There's 34 exercises all in from the beginning of the book to the end.

00:20:44.385 --> 00:20:47.086
The middle section is about the physical training of voice and speech.

00:20:47.086 --> 00:20:55.905
So that's your posture coordination, breathing for speech, resonant sound of your voice, how we increase our resonance, physical articulation of language.

00:20:56.385 --> 00:20:58.865
And then the third part is about delivery technique.

00:20:59.175 --> 00:21:13.796
And so that goes more into the books like Gravitas or Talk Like Ted or similar, because I'm basically giving exercises and advice to make the particular talk you're giving at that time and place a better one for you, a better experience.

00:21:13.796 --> 00:21:16.865
It's more polishing delivery, in that section.

00:21:17.665 --> 00:21:29.770
And of course there's interpersonal skills mixed in to the book, which would be the smaller meetings, the one on one meetings, going to the wedding and having to give a toast, you're nervous about these kinds of things, are interwoven in it.

00:21:30.451 --> 00:21:31.191
Uh, yeah,

00:21:32.441 --> 00:21:53.596
I love that because it's not like you're just gearing it towards the super executive, because I know that you've worked with a lot of executives, but this helps, like you said, the best man who's got to give a speech at a wedding and the person who is a small business owner and has to talk to his employees on a regular basis.

00:21:53.645 --> 00:21:56.776
It spans the gamut, which is important.

00:21:56.935 --> 00:22:04.066
And the fact that you've got, you know, things that they can take action on and exercises for them to perform.

00:22:04.066 --> 00:22:05.556
I think that's, that's awesome.

00:22:05.556 --> 00:22:06.986
So

00:22:07.365 --> 00:22:07.875
Oh, sorry.

00:22:08.695 --> 00:22:11.665
was just going to ask, like, well, let's let you go first.

00:22:11.685 --> 00:22:12.976
You had a thought and I was going to

00:22:13.096 --> 00:22:13.546
Yeah.

00:22:13.736 --> 00:22:18.486
So the thought I was going to share is right because it does need to be tangible.

00:22:18.566 --> 00:22:22.546
We're talking about the physical act of speaking and showing up.

00:22:22.945 --> 00:22:24.476
So there's got to be some extras.

00:22:24.526 --> 00:22:25.215
This is why I wrote it.

00:22:25.256 --> 00:22:30.296
There's got to be exercises you can do and things you can try as opposed to just theorizing.

00:22:30.865 --> 00:22:32.615
And I don't think it's a bad thing.

00:22:32.855 --> 00:22:37.865
Like I said, there's parts of the book that explain different speakers and, you know, analyze.

00:22:38.296 --> 00:22:44.935
None of that's wrong per se, but there's a gap between reading a book and then actually going onto the stage or in front of people you're feeling nervous.

00:22:45.405 --> 00:22:46.806
And we have to bridge that gap.

00:22:46.806 --> 00:22:50.066
And that's again, a big part of what I do or what my work is about.

00:22:50.665 --> 00:22:51.671
Sorry for interrupting you.

00:22:52.056 --> 00:22:52.375
Okay.

00:22:52.455 --> 00:23:09.806
So then you work in person with people too, because I know you have a new offering that, that I thought was very intriguing because it's really incorporating more of the looking at your limiting beliefs your imposter syndrome and combining that with technique and skill.

00:23:09.846 --> 00:23:10.695
Is that correct?

00:23:11.520 --> 00:23:12.550
Yeah, it is.

00:23:13.391 --> 00:23:15.540
So it's interesting, just to take a step back.

00:23:15.540 --> 00:23:19.980
It's interesting how much COVID affected all of us in terms of the way we work.

00:23:20.250 --> 00:23:29.651
And I didn't think it was affecting me in terms of the way I work with the exception, of course, I pivoted into coaching over Zoom, like many people had to do, to work over Zoom.

00:23:29.951 --> 00:23:31.730
Um, but I do have an office in San Francisco.

00:23:31.730 --> 00:23:32.840
I do see people in person.

00:23:32.840 --> 00:23:35.340
That's true, but I do it less, just like most people.

00:23:35.840 --> 00:24:02.431
Outside of construction, commercial construction, most people are not in the office 24/7, but in any case, um, so the new offer I have, what I was doing before COVID and kept with on some levels was doing a series of sessions for people, and I'm still doing that when asked when it feels like it's right, but one of the things I noticed is many parts of what I do could actually just be fit in and condensed into a short program, a half day program.

00:24:02.631 --> 00:24:03.391
Or something like that.

00:24:03.780 --> 00:24:05.101
So that's what the new offer is.

00:24:05.131 --> 00:24:20.760
I've started this summer and it's working very well, and I think for the people who really want to be seen in person and have an in person coaching experience, it works exceedingly well because again, there's only so much time in a day and there's, you know, many of the people I work with are very busy, of course.

00:24:20.800 --> 00:24:37.796
And so if we can take approximately four hours or whatever feels right and get the mindset piece To have the needle moved on the mindset piece, get the physical voice and speech training down, which you'll still have to do exercises and some work be just like going to the gym.

00:24:38.125 --> 00:24:42.685
And then the crafting of the delivery down, we can actually do quite a lot of that in just a half day.

00:24:43.546 --> 00:24:46.695
And that seems to be, like I said, working well with people's schedules.

00:24:47.415 --> 00:24:52.596
That's, I think, more effective in a lot of ways, only because you're immersing in it.

00:24:52.596 --> 00:24:58.786
You're not when I'm doing something, I'm in it and then I'm out of it and then I'm back in it and then I'm out of it.

00:24:59.536 --> 00:25:00.875
It's not as effective for me.

00:25:01.385 --> 00:25:02.705
I like that idea.

00:25:03.165 --> 00:25:08.935
What would you say that most of your clients would say they've come away with after working with you?

00:25:09.605 --> 00:25:16.336
What is the, the one thing that they, you've heard consistently across the, the spectrum?

00:25:16.661 --> 00:25:20.320
Yeah, I used this word earlier because it is the word that I always hear is empowerment.

00:25:21.500 --> 00:25:27.740
And when I've gotten testimonials from people or thank you emails or thank you notes, sometimes I get chocolates.

00:25:28.270 --> 00:25:29.691
Hint, hint to everyone out there.

00:25:31.641 --> 00:25:32.651
And I don't mind them.

00:25:33.030 --> 00:25:34.641
I do occasionally get little presents in the mail.

00:25:34.661 --> 00:25:34.951
Okay.

00:25:35.280 --> 00:25:43.490
So yeah, it more often than not, what I'm hearing is what I walked away from Lisa's office with was a feeling of empowerment.

00:25:43.490 --> 00:25:48.820
That I can show up that I don't have to deal with internal judgment anymore.

00:25:49.050 --> 00:26:05.695
And by not dealing with your internal judgment anymore, like the inner critic or the imposter syndrome you're not afraid of the external anymore, because in the end of the day, the inner judgment is 10, 000 times worse than any outer judgment is going to be for most of us.

00:26:05.695 --> 00:26:08.226
And when I say most, I mean 99.

00:26:08.226 --> 00:26:11.836
9 percent leaving out a couple presidential candidates.

00:26:12.955 --> 00:26:14.455
Most of us don't have stages that big.

00:26:15.086 --> 00:26:16.316
uh, no, no, no.

00:26:16.635 --> 00:26:23.056
I would say that having compassion for yourself is, is so underrated.

00:26:23.056 --> 00:26:26.986
I don't think people even realize or recognize how to give compassion.

00:26:26.996 --> 00:26:32.425
I'm working with a gentleman and we've had to talk a lot about having compassion.

00:26:32.796 --> 00:26:36.516
And I said, it's not about the spilt milk.

00:26:36.526 --> 00:26:40.665
It's about how we're going to keep from spilling it again in the future.

00:26:40.945 --> 00:26:43.875
And that we should expect that we're going to spill it.

00:26:43.885 --> 00:26:50.996
So we might not always quelch that inner critic, we might not always give the perfect speech.

00:26:51.006 --> 00:27:03.276
I think you've talked about this before where, you know, Hey, some days you're spot on and other times your dog is at the vet and is having surgery or something in life is going on.

00:27:03.746 --> 00:27:23.445
And it's really about leaning into the skills and developing the skills, and having confidence, I keep going back to that word, you say empowered, and I think that's closely tied to confidence in yourself and an inner trust in who you are and what you bring that is uniquely you.

00:27:23.935 --> 00:27:38.971
And I think that goes back to knowing yourself and being the kind of speaker that is giving the audience, the real you and not like trying to be a copy of some other famous speaker.

00:27:40.151 --> 00:27:40.530
Do you

00:27:40.760 --> 00:27:41.121
Yeah.

00:27:41.580 --> 00:27:56.191
Yeah, I address an authenticity occasionally for sure, and it's in the book a little bit about, you know, I think I call it comparing despair in there because if we do that too much, if we're actually comparing ourselves to other people, it typically is not helpful.

00:27:56.580 --> 00:28:01.365
You know, there's a vast difference between seeing a speaker and saying, wow, you know what?

00:28:01.865 --> 00:28:04.586
They're able to use humor and I never use humor.

00:28:04.596 --> 00:28:05.846
Maybe I'm going to try that.

00:28:05.855 --> 00:28:06.965
That's interesting to me.

00:28:07.246 --> 00:28:11.465
Or, you know, they really, really pause a lot more than I do.

00:28:11.516 --> 00:28:12.145
I'm going to try that.

00:28:12.145 --> 00:28:12.766
That's interesting.

00:28:12.766 --> 00:28:15.425
So that's, again, I talked about the creative side, right?

00:28:15.776 --> 00:28:21.365
It gives you somewhere to go, which is different from saying, Oh my gosh, that person is such a great speaker.

00:28:21.375 --> 00:28:22.615
My boss is such a great speaker.

00:28:22.615 --> 00:28:23.365
I hear that one a lot.

00:28:23.645 --> 00:28:24.905
I'm never going to be like that.

00:28:25.185 --> 00:28:26.326
I wish I could speak like her.

00:28:26.346 --> 00:28:27.445
I wish I could speak like him.

00:28:27.905 --> 00:28:29.455
You don't need to speak like her or him.

00:28:29.810 --> 00:28:36.000
One of the first things I say to clients who say that, or even just in conversation is likely they had training.

00:28:36.560 --> 00:28:40.810
If you're a Silicon Valley CEO, you've had training, that's it.

00:28:40.810 --> 00:28:41.300
Period.

00:28:42.260 --> 00:28:44.760
If you haven't, you show up.

00:28:45.171 --> 00:28:48.721
nervous and make mistakes you wish you hadn't made.

00:28:49.510 --> 00:28:51.181
And that's not great either.

00:28:51.191 --> 00:28:51.510
Right.

00:28:51.601 --> 00:29:01.500
So yes, the training, the techniques that I was talking about, and that's my, my thought process, like I said, comes a lot from having been an actress for so long and you do have to show up.

00:29:01.500 --> 00:29:06.121
If your job is to play lady Macbeth, It doesn't matter if your dog died that morning.

00:29:06.131 --> 00:29:07.351
You've got to go do a matinee.

00:29:07.391 --> 00:29:07.800
That's it.

00:29:07.891 --> 00:29:08.760
That's, that's it.

00:29:08.760 --> 00:29:09.121
Right?

00:29:09.431 --> 00:29:14.540
But your training and your preparation and your work is there for you and it will always work for you.

00:29:14.990 --> 00:29:20.671
And each night, just like with each talk you do, will be slightly different depending on the audience, depending on the audience.

00:29:20.780 --> 00:29:23.121
The mood in the air slightly different and that's okay.

00:29:23.121 --> 00:29:27.260
It should be a living, breathing thing or else we're going to feel stagnant and bored.

00:29:28.520 --> 00:29:33.740
So yes, I agree with what you said that the technique, it will always work with you, work for you.

00:29:34.111 --> 00:29:40.830
And as far as, you know, we're touching upon a little bit here and there, what does the audience perceive?

00:29:40.840 --> 00:29:42.510
How do they feel about your performance?

00:29:42.520 --> 00:29:44.580
So to speak, generally speaking.

00:29:44.760 --> 00:29:52.810
A couple things I want the listeners to really hear and take away, if nothing else, uh, from what I've said so far is that audiences want you to succeed.

00:29:53.086 --> 00:29:54.236
They want to hear you.

00:29:54.375 --> 00:29:56.425
They want to, they're rooting for you.

00:29:56.776 --> 00:30:05.465
They're there because they need the information you're giving them, or they want to be inspired by your story, or there's a reason that they're there, and they want you to do great.

00:30:05.685 --> 00:30:06.566
They're your friend.

00:30:07.165 --> 00:30:09.615
And that's, it's good to re, to remember that.

00:30:10.016 --> 00:30:17.496
And that when you're, even if you're going on to a main stage, a larger stage, you're having a conversation with a group of people there at that one moment.

00:30:17.526 --> 00:30:18.826
Nowhere else, no other time.

00:30:18.836 --> 00:30:20.135
You're just there in that moment.

00:30:20.546 --> 00:30:22.895
And you can make that moment really great for yourself.

00:30:22.895 --> 00:30:22.915
so much.

00:30:23.205 --> 00:30:24.766
And make it great for them as well.

00:30:24.986 --> 00:30:27.905
And it's a choice and yes, you need training in it.

00:30:27.905 --> 00:30:29.625
Just like you need training in anything in life.

00:30:30.066 --> 00:30:31.375
That's and that's okay.

00:30:31.375 --> 00:30:32.625
There's no shame in that.

00:30:33.006 --> 00:30:33.655
And you're right.

00:30:33.655 --> 00:30:37.155
And when you said everybody could have an off night, everybody can have an off night.

00:30:37.385 --> 00:30:39.306
I'm sure Lawrence Olivier was not great.

00:30:39.645 --> 00:30:43.715
Every single performance might've been, but in any case, he did.

00:30:44.840 --> 00:30:45.711
I will say this though.

00:30:45.721 --> 00:30:50.961
One of his famous quotes, I won't remember it verbatim, but one of his famous quotes was about stage fright.

00:30:51.010 --> 00:30:55.911
I throw up backstage every first performance, every opening night I'm throwing up.

00:30:56.750 --> 00:31:00.000
And he was considered the greatest actor in the world for, for what, 20 years, something.

00:31:01.141 --> 00:31:01.451
So,

00:31:02.030 --> 00:31:04.030
Yeah, no, it's, it's human.

00:31:04.381 --> 00:31:06.580
And also those nerves give us things.

00:31:06.651 --> 00:31:10.671
Just because we have, anxiety doesn't always mean that it's bad.

00:31:10.881 --> 00:31:12.090
It, helps our focus.

00:31:12.111 --> 00:31:13.871
It helps us be readied.

00:31:14.310 --> 00:31:15.691
It's, not always a bad thing.

00:31:15.840 --> 00:31:23.260
I was wondering if there's any parting advice or anything that you'd like to share with the audience before we have to say goodbye.

00:31:24.006 --> 00:31:24.346
Sure.

00:31:24.346 --> 00:31:25.036
Thank you for that.

00:31:25.036 --> 00:31:35.205
The advice I was going to give on seeking a coach is make sure that you if you're looking for one, make sure that you find somebody with pedagogical degrees, at least one pedagogical degree.

00:31:35.455 --> 00:31:37.726
It's best to find somebody with teacher training.

00:31:38.056 --> 00:31:46.006
And experience, because if you go to somebody who only has one or the other, it's can be a little shaky.

00:31:46.076 --> 00:31:50.915
They might notice where you might be able to improve, but they're not going to give you the tools to improve.

00:31:50.945 --> 00:31:55.316
And it can make you feel much more self conscious than you did when you walked in their office.

00:31:56.211 --> 00:32:12.691
So, you know, I suggest that people do their homework on what they're looking for, like you said, and the last is what we were talking about before, that empowerment means that you have choices, you decide in the moment, you decide what kind of training you want, you decide how you're going to relate to yourself, your audience and so on.

00:32:13.881 --> 00:32:14.461
I like that.

00:32:14.461 --> 00:32:14.770
a lot.

00:32:14.770 --> 00:32:15.840
Well, thank you, Lisa.

00:32:15.851 --> 00:32:24.711
And once again, um, we're going to post your website on the show notes or in the show notes, and it's lisawentz.

00:32:25.020 --> 00:32:25.461
com.

00:32:25.520 --> 00:32:28.550
L I S A W E N T Z.

00:32:28.560 --> 00:32:28.590
com.

00:32:28.590 --> 00:32:31.701
And take it from me.

00:32:31.711 --> 00:32:32.770
She's amazing.

00:32:34.256 --> 00:32:44.945
Thank you everybody for listening, and I look forward to having you join me in the next episode of Flavors of Emotions.

00:32:45.205 --> 00:32:45.705
Thank you.

Unlocking Confidence: Conquering Imposter Syndrome and Empowering Your Voice with Lisa Wentz

Listen On

Recent Episodes